Are We Humans, Or Are We Heroes?

This video was inspired by a typical BuffHips conversation – absolutely absurd impossibilities that are hilarious in our own heads and never quite come out the way we expect. With more advanced equipment, we would have tried to get Eli flying. Oh well.

It’s a bird! It’s a plane! No, it’s not either of those. It’s a roommate giving herself too much credit for the things she does and another who is tired of being a victim.

Call Me Silver Skater If You Want, Or Just Call Me

We are apart yet again. This time, blame the holidays.

Last Saturday, though, we snapped a few pictures. I thought they might serve as a nice reminder to parents.

It’s 10:00. Do you know where your children are?

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Ad: We will play dress-up with your adorable kids in exchange for a delicious breakfast.

 Dress-up

Later, we went ice skating for the first time this season. Here are a few ice-skating facts you did not know [but could probably guess] about Kandy and I:

  • Kandy was an ice skating prodigy in her childhood.
  • Eli took a few ice skating lessons in the Sierra Nevada Mountains when she was 8.
  • Kandy can skate backwards, forwards, sideways, and upside-down.
  • Eli has not ice skated since 2006.
  • Kandy won medals for her figure-skating talents without even entering a competition. [Probably.]
  • Eli only fell twice on Saturday.
  • Kandy fell once, but only because she was taken down by an amateur. [Guess who?]

Iceskating3Despite the bruises, we recommend ice-skating as a winter activity. Once I got my balance, we got this gem of a picture. Consider it our holiday greeting card to you.

Reality Cookies

I know you’re all thinking it. “Finally! Further fabulously fantastic films from favorite freakishly facetious friends!”

Or maybe you’re thinking of some other F-words that express how disappointed you are that we return to these antics instead of taking our lives seriously. [Fudge.] What can we say? We join hands with our generation, taking part in a debilitating fear of commitment and the future.

Watch and laugh. Or don’t watch and find something else to laugh at. Just make sure you laugh today. It’s good for the bones.

Bhartha Paneer and Lassi

When we were student-teaching during our last semester of college, [Oh god. Almost a whole year ago.] we made triweekly visits to India Gate. Not the smartest financial decision we’ve ever made as broke college students or the healthiest choice as… average humans. However, we firmly believe it was altogether necessary to our mental state during that time in our lives. [If you feel so inclined, you can read about my student-teaching experience or Kandy’s. We were required to keep blogs.]

Now that the Ass is back from a brief Thai interlude, we revisited the old shittin’ grounds. The folks there recognize us and always ask where we’ve been after absences of more than a month. It’s nice until I think about it too much. So, I don’t think about it.

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Something about this place changes a girl. I would blame the water, but the transformation begins as soon as we walk through the spotless glass doors. Maybe they pump a little extra oxygen into the air. Oxygen would explain absurd reactions, right? I don’t really know how to explain what we become when we are there. Let’s just say the employees of India Gate have a slightly skewed knowledge of us, not by any fault of their own. Unless they really do alter the atmosphere in some way.

She asked for this picture, holding a plastic rose stem between her teeth.

A Notional Disease Characterized By Hyperactive Hands

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This is a picture of two coconut statues that closely resemble how KandyAss and I look after a day at the spa.

 

 

 

 

 

Anyhow, to make up for the lack of posts this summer, I’ll add a few belated posts.

The first weekend I got back to Buffalo, the Ass and I spent a lot of time together… which actually isn’t much different from any other weekend that finds us in the same town, not unlike the weekdays either.

20140723_194937Anyhow. She had a coffee date with another friend in the suburbs somewhere. [I get all turned around when the streets get wider and the buildings spread out. I don’t know where we were.] I didn’t have any other plans, so I jumped in the car and tagged along. I didn’t expect to crash their date, but I forgot to bring anything to busy myself. So, I went to Chuck E. Cheese. I asked about a party, but all I wanted was a picture with Chuck.

 

Then, I busied myself by trying on decorations at Party City.

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I like how yellow I look in the blue wig. Slightly more like a cartoon character than my usual skin tone.

What a weirdo.

I also video recorded people sending birthday messages to KandyAss. That was pretty hilarious, in my not-so-humble opinion.

This is all because I don’t know what to do with myself in the ‘burbs. If you have any better ideas, I welcome them. Although, I think my evening in the space between somewhere and nowhere was spent well.

Stay tuned for more belated posts and thoughts on living in the city.

 

[I’m thinking there are too many pictures of me in this post. It’s freaking me out. So, here’s a picture of me and the Ass during student teaching. This was taken right after she got her perm and right after I got surgery to fix my Hand Blurrititis.]Photo on 2014-02-11 at 20.20 #2

 

I Believe With All My Heart That The Best Dancers Are The Best Disc Jockeys

Wow, summer is almost over and we haven’t posted anything worth reading. Or anything at all. I won’t blame it on the busyness of summertime or even my own laziness. I’ll blame it on my lack of inspiration. KandyAss and I were apart all summer. She is my blogging muse. The wreason I write.

We were recently together for three weeks in Buff, you say? Yeah, well… you didn’t know that. Funny shit happened those weeks about which you will never know. Mostly because I’ve forgotten it, and it probably isn’t worth mentioning anyway.

A weekend trip to visit KandyAssicle under the guise of helping a friend move into her apartment is, however, very much worth mentioning–especially on a blog about us.

This picture was taken four years ago. Four years seems like a long-ass time ago.

76151_496926467753_677737753_7224940_7618396_nOh jeezzie. We were first years the first time we went to NYC together. Actually, it was my first trip to the city at all. Good times. We tried on the smallest hats in the biggest Forever21. We ate all the street food available to vegetarians. We partied with Fuerza Bruta.

This picture was taken this weekend. Better eyebrows. Better hair. Better boobs (probably).

FOTA67FMy, how we’ve grown. We are a whole three months out of college. We helped a friend move into her apartment. We used a bathroom in a coffee shop. We laughed about who knows what through a park on the upper west side. We bought dish soap…

Then, the real party started. Changed into our fancy pants clothes in my car–should have turned out the lights before stripping. [“Ahh!! The eyes in the rear-view mirror!!”]

Escaped the insistent stares of pretzel vendors talking on their phones. [“I think they are calling each other.”]

Got into the wrong line at a club. [“Listen, I’m giving you our ONLY option. Cross the road and walk to the end of the block, then cross again and turn around to head back to the club we want to go to.”] Refused to pay the outrageous cover fee for a club that was playing You Shook Me All Night Long. [“I’m not dancing to that.”] Were trapped inside the club; I was frantic. [“Can we get out?!”]

Started a dance party in a woodsy deer lounge. [“Why doesn’t anyone want to dance to good music in this city?”] Complimented by a black man on our rhythm as we danced past a bar. [“No, I’m serious. You guys have legit rhythm.”] He was serious.

Photo-bombed pictures in Times Square–keep an eye out for us on your friends’ social media pages. Switched shoes and practiced our best crazy walks, imitating rabbits, gorillas, and awkward giraffes. Rode all the escalators in Forever21 for a good time. Farted EVERYWHERE. Joined in on some foreign birthday celebration. Gathered people for someone’s ice bucket challenge. [“Gather ’round, folks! Come one, come all!”]

I dared KandyAss to ask a guy for a free pretzel. [“If I buy a Snapple or two, could I get a free pretzel?”] Did not get any pretzels.

Two guys in button up shirts who were from “out of town” asked where they should go and whether we wanted to split a cab. Umm, no. [“If they were better looking, maybe.”]

Danced with people from inside our car, blasting good dance music. 9th Ave is hoppin’. [“WE should be DJs!!”]

Success.

We went to the beach the next day. I should’ve taken some pictures. I practiced my discus throw with jellyfish heads. Beaches are like relaxing time warps. Clam chowder bowls are like the nectar of mermaids who sell part of themselves to walk on land for a while.

Another night of partying in Philly. Not as eventful because we started the night out with my bladder bursting. Way too stressful. I was looking super fine in some patterned pants and a flouncy top. Kandy was pulling a sleek, foxy look in her black leggings. We just wanted to dance.

Eventually, we found a few places and hopped in and out, following the music. Kandace had to deal with a mousy man while an African guy tried to sweep me off my feet. He was cramping my dance style, kept asking me about my adventures, so I had to cut that off real quick. [“Oh! Gotta go find my friend!”] He was entranced by the fancy pants. We frequented a few gay bars thinking the dancing would be good. But nobody wanted to dance with us. Go figure.

We never stayed too long in one spot. We start to get uncomfortable when weirdos and old guys are the first to try dancing/talking with us, we turn them down, none of the lookers want to dance, hooking up is expected, etc. Even the gay guy that Kandace started up a conversation with thought that she was looking to get with him. Hello, people?! What ever happened to dancing the night away, getting some mozza sticks at the International House Of Pancakes, and then going home to your own twin bed to rest your dancing shoes? Seriously, kids, get your priorities straight.

Whelp, that’s all I’ve got for you, dearies. Sweet dreams. Don’t let the bastards who assume the sluttiest of you get the best of you. Also, you can get FREE PARKING anywhere as long as you are willing to walk.

Update Quickly

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I found these shoes in my brother’s closet. Not sure what his initial intentions were for these, but he let me have them. Which is great, because who doesn’t need a pair of shoes that imitate duck feet? The cheetah pattern just adds to the animalistic effect of these bad boys.

I haven’t been recording much of these last few weeks, and I am sorry to myself for that. I miss the road trip days, when selfies were acceptable because of their necessity and taking pictures was part of routine.

EWengs and I are trained and certified ropes course facilitators. I presented some research I did at a conference near Toronto last week. Two birthdays have been celebrated in the last three weeks (one of them mine) with another one tomorrow. I start music conservatory counselor activities next week.

In video news, KandyAss made a video without me. At the same time, sad and wonderful and proud. She isn’t quite ready to debut it, but know that it is in the works. My sister and I wrote a song and expect to make a music video with our campers in a few weeks, so stay tuned for that.

There It Is, Folks

We slept at a rest stop just over the border into OK, so our last day of driving spanned the length of the Sooner State. We were pretty exhausted that morning. EWengs woke up very grumpy and stated as much when we tried to talk to her. A while later she said, “‘You can talk to me now.”20140518_111257

 

Most of our meals this trip have consisted of hummus, pretzels, various fruits, and nutella. We also enjoyed leftover Mexican food from our Santa Fe experience.

 

 

For lunch we stopped at a park in OKC that happened to have an adult-sized exercise playground. It was awesome.

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Picking up Joycie meant picking up some game time, as she is the queen of games. We christened our favorite new game “Mind Meld”. Everyone thinks of a noun and says it out loud at the same time. Then, everyone tries to think of a new noun that encompasses as many of the nouns just said and says the new nouns out loud at the same time. You can’t repeat words. The goal is for everyone to connect the words with the same noun. It’s quite exhilarating, actually.

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EWengs and I will be together in OK this summer, but essentially, we go our own ways after this trip. I could get mushy and sentimental and nostalgic about the college days that are so officially over and the adventures that are to come and blah blah. But, I think that might just make me sadder than I need to be right now.

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Two is Enough, But Three is a Perpetual Party

I’ve been really into alliterations lately.

 

Anyway, we finally have our trio! We drove to the Grand Canyon yesterday morning. Learned about the geological history of the jaw-dropper. I remember as much of that now as I remember of my geology course last fall. Less than I wish but more than I expect with the right prompts in the right context.

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We ate our lunch at this overlook. An older couple watched us struggle to take this photo of ourselves. To put us out of our misery, they asked to take our photo for us.

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How very kind.

20140516_142550 We decided we liked the self portraits better. Much truer to our generational commitments. [We call them “selfies”.]

I felt a slight timely pressure thinking about getting to Phoenix (to pick up Joycie-Poo!). Nonetheless, it was a peaceful visit.

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On our way out of the park, I caught a deer.

 

 

 

Surprisingly, the cacti were more difficult to capture. There were so many, though. So. Many. Cacti.

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By 9:00 that evening, the trinity was reunited. And late the next morning, we were off! Headed for Santa Fe! Coincidentally, I know two songs by the same name.

20140517_104623[I seriously love this one.]

So very excited to have this treasure of a gal along. Her face here expresses my own emotions.

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In addition to being a generally fabulous human being, Joyce is another hand to work the camera. She snapped this picture of Emily trying to cool off the bananas that were probably boiling in their skins because I left them on the dashboard. Hmm.

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We stopped at several roadside Native American craft shops looking for a wallet for EWengs, any paraphernalia with Joyce’s name on it (literally), and a place for me to stretch my pedals. At one of the stops, we found this guy and proceeded to initiate a professional photo-shoot.

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Eventually, these stops resulted in the purchase of matching blankets. EWengs and I knew from experience that sleeping in the car is a chilling experience; blankets were the most useful souvenir in which we could have invested. I am a firm believer in blankets and a fan of the graphic novel by Craig Thompson by the same name.

We did reach Santa Fe before dinnertime.

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I should have taken more pictures there. My excuse: I was wrapped up in the natural and architectural beauty of the southwestern city. Reality: My civilization-deprived mind was distracted by people and a frantic search for food for which we did not need reservations.

I was also distraught by the fact that we did not reach the Georgia O’Keeffe Museum before it closed for the evening. What a terrible loss.

I was cheered up by our adorable and awkward waiter. When EWengs felt the need to clarify that we would be sharing a drink even though she was the only one to show her ID, he made an awkward comment about his ass being covered by “one of those outfits with a flap in the rear… oh, a onesie”. So, her ID was essentially a butt flap. Got it.

Then he told some corny food jokes, none of which were about corn (for example).

“Why did the root… No, wait, why was the leafy vegetable richer than the root vegetable?”

“Huh?”

“Because it was a rutabaga.” [Word play that only works when you say it out loud.]

In addition to our tip, Joycie and EWengs left a few food jokes, including the muffin joke [my personal favorite] and this one:

“What did the green grape say to the purple grape?”  “Breathe!”

Replacing Georgia O’Keeffe with these jokes is like replacing handmade moccasins with empty tissue boxes. Not even that… maybe they’re more like toothbrushes.

Whatever. Santa Fe is a cool place. I do like me some corny jokes. I would be happy to come back some day.

Most importantly, the trinity is united again!

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